Enjoying a few things ....

We love the park that sits a 1/4 mile away. Julia has given up the stroller and heads straight for the playground whenever we go for a walk. Thankfully we're the only ones who seem to visit here ... she insists on sitting in each of the three swings. I fear her reaction if the other swings were occupied when she was ready to switch!



We enjoyed a brief visit from Julia's favorite people. Somehow I didn't take many pictures ... we'll just have to plan a trip to Missouri soon to make up for it!

What I'm reading.

I keep several magazines within reach. My nightstand overflows with books I want to read, magazines I can't get enough of, and devotional books that lead me to Peace.

Craft is one of my favorites as of late. We talk often about a hand-made Christmas. Candles, soap, felt ornaments, gingerbread mobiles, and festive decorations without all the hub-bub ... cozy nights spent at home creating and re-purposing. I peruse the aisles at book stores for ideas about how we can put our hands and time to use this fall.

Mother Earth News. We recently picked up a copy of this with a gift card I received and found an easy, yummy bread recipe we love. Thom was the initiator and baker ... I'm so blessed!

I've never been much of a reader. I don't know why exactly but at some point in 5th grade I gave up reading. I faked my way through book reports and shrugged at reading assignments. Even in college I dreaded the hours my eyes were assigned to read each night. Sure I was passing my courses but I wasn't really learning. I decided I wasting my time and money by continuing. I even told a WHOPPER of a lie in Bible College in order to pass a class. It was a yes or no question on our final and I really didn't want to fail.

The shame!

Is it a short attention span? Perhaps I can find a scientific study to defend my inability to sit through an entire book. Or is it merely a defiant attention span? Regardless, it is the same reason I never play Monopoly ... it just takes too long!

Surprisingly there are a lot of books I've started reading over the years and actually finished. And while my college years would say otherwise, I do like to learn. Apparently I have a problem with being TOLD to learn.

Matter of fact, I don't like being told anything.

Pride. Competitive spirit. Perfectionism. These characteristics don't bode well with "humble servant". The Book that intertwines all the threads in my life cautions me against such things. So I've been praying lately for change. My personality, my reactions, my base line .... I am in need of an overhaul!

In fact, so is my house! I am desperate for COLOR on my walls and a magic eraser for the clutter. We plan to move in the spring but I don't know if I can wait that long. The fake wood paneling is caving in and I spin in and out of depression depending on the number of piles that accumulate on every surface!

.... oh, how did I get here? I meant to talk about Christmas crafts and now I'm spilling my guts about my character flaws. This is why a box of tissues sits on top of the books and magazines on my nightstand.... As my brother once said, "You have more issues than the National Geographic!"

I always liked those magazines.

The handy-dandy stalker-net

Thom says I'm a stalker. He can't remember giving me his email address and I admit, I don't think he did. A few years had passed since our dating days in '98 and I was curious where he was and what he was up to. So sometime in 1999 or 2000 I looked him up and sent him a brief email. "What's up? Remember me?" And then for the next 6 or 7 years we exchanged an annual email with simple details and quick hellos.

I can't help it if he fell in love with me in early 2007.

Ok, ok ... so he insists that I stalked him WELL before those emails. One random day in Schenectady, NY I stopped to fill up my tank on my way to work and exchanged a flirtatious hello with the man behind the counter. I was all smiles the rest of the day! And, well ... he worked in a public place so I stopped by ... a lot. I don't exactly call that stalking! Just ... admiring? If I had followed him home or found out the name of his cat - sure, you could say I was a stalker! But I hadn't. Nope. I simply waited for him to get out of work one night and attacked him in the parking lot. That's all.

We dated a few months, broke up mutually, emailed annually, reconnected for some coffee 9 years later and then got married .... isn't that how all relationships happen?

While I admit to my part in "stalking" him it seems a waste to have so much information at our fingertips and not use it! For instance (now that I'm not looking for a husband) if I post an ad to sell baby stuff and get a reply I'll google the stranger I'm about to meet. It just makes sense. And, honestly, do you REALIZE how easy it is to get information on someone!?

It's VERY easy! If they're plugged into the mainstream sites you can find just about anything! Here's what happened this morning:

I was innocently dreaming about owning a house so I took a look at a few places for sale on a website from our county newspaper. After finding a cute house neighboring some friends of ours I thought I'd get more details. Besides the newspaper, our county has property records online (most counties do ... check it out!). It tells me who owns what and how much it's worth. So I found the names of owners of this cute house and typed it into google and viola! A facebook page and a campaign website at my fingertips ... I now have a phone number, how many children he has, his birthday, his wife, what he's interested in based on his "pages" .... honestly it's scary! I didn't intend to find this much information ... but there it is.

If I was a con artist in addition to being a stalker ... wow! I'd have quite a career!

I guess I'm sharing all this to say - Be careful what you allow other people to see on your Facebook page. Change your settings people! There are a bunch of crazies out there and I'm apparently at the top of the list!

A new beginning

I've always tried to be diligent with my money. Paying my bills, not using credit cards, and shopping at second-hand shops for most of our clothes, shoes, and household needs ... but I'm tired of how tight our budget is! When we got married it took Thom a few months to find a job. Money was tight. When we had Julia a few months later, money was tight. And now with Thom on layoff we are tightening our belts even more! But we're doing it! I'm proud of him and us!

Creditors aren't calling and banks aren't freezing our accounts ... I feel good about where we are. But I long to be in a better place. I'm very aware of the economic reality that there just aren't jobs. So I've been looking for ways to spend less and save money wherever we can. I recently started couponing and have been so thankful that others have invented the wheel in that department. But we need more! We had already begun talking about how to finance Christmas gifts this year because we know we won't have the cash.

On our "dates" (out and about beyond our city limits usually with Julia in tow) Thom and I go to the closest town with a large bookstore and spend an hour or two in separate corners perusing and reading random materials that seem interesting. On our last "date" I picked up a Dave Ramsey book, The Total Money Makeover, and skimmed through his step-by-step plan to financial freedom. Within 15 minutes I was on fire! Ready to sell everything we have in order to get us out of debt!

Compared to the "average" American we aren't doing too bad. But a car loan, a small personal loan, and our school loans still weigh us down. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's such a loooooong tunnel! Reading about Dave's plan and his virtual slap on my hand got me excited about leaving debt behind us for good. "Christmas is NOT an emergency." he wrote. "You need to budget for it." I was excited to have some hard truth jumping out of that book. And some real solutions for how to get out! I shared the excitement I had with Thom and suggested we start by selling his beloved 1968 VW Beetle ... he cringed ... perhaps not a smart way to pitch this life-changing course!

Just like our excess weight we keep saying "We need to do something!" Sitting in that big comfy chair in the middle of Books-a-Gazillion I found that something for our finances. I wanted to take the book home but we only had money for the trip out there and a coffee. So I jumped online as soon as I got home to get more details. Thom and I talked and he agreed that the Bug would have to go. It just makes sense. So he's in the process of getting it ready to sell and I'm mulling over the other things in our home that he might agree to get rid of. (Want to buy a wii? Maybe he won't notice!)

Fast forward a week from our date and we found ourselves in the local ReStore looking through various items when Thom pointed out a large sealed box full of Dave Ramsey materials. It didn't have a price on it but I put it in my cart immediately ... hoping ... praying ... it would be $10 or less. I already let Julia have a little toy and as I approached the cashier I held up the box and said, "Please tell me this is only $10!" She smiled and said, "That's exactly how much it is!" (Now I wish I had said $5) Regardless, I was thrilled! I just purchased a brand new (although dated) Financial Peace University Home Study Kit that would have cost me well over $200 brand new!! WOO HOO!!

So here's to the something that will change our lives, the HOPE of a better future, and the goal of being DEBT FREE! I plan to enjoy this ride! Join me??

www.daveramsey.com He's not the answer, but he points you to Truth and challenges you to rethink the way you've been living. I don't think you'll regret it!

Coupons and rebates and deals, OH MY!

Have I told you how much I love spreadsheets? I loooooove spreadsheets. So much so that my husband recently reminded me that "sometimes God's plans don't fit in a spreadsheet." It was a good reminder since I tend to put my trust in numbers. I practically moved him down here with a spreadsheet. A formula here, a calculation there ... and voila! ... NY to NC in no time!

I keep track of all our bills with one handy dandy spreadsheet so when my husband was recently laid off I sat down with my "Money 2009" document to figure out where we could possibly cut back. We have income for everything we need and plenty of things that we don't. There are several things we prefer not to give up (internet, cable, cell phones) but have agreed that if necessary we will give up whatever we need to.

After a little research I decided the easiest & quickest solution for saving money is on groceries. Our family of 3 has been on a budget of $90/week for the past two years. Once a month we need to spend about $115 to cover things like t/p, cat litter, and detergent. But generally $90 takes care of all our snacks, meals, and occasional treats. We stopped eating out and have learned to appreciate home more than we used to. We grill and steam and bake and sear to our bellies content and if you've seen us recently, you know we are quite content! But now with Thom out of work we are challenged to spend less.

I felt assured that we could save money with coupons by reading blog after blog. Moneysavingmom.com couponmom.com and dealseekingmom.com for starters. But the more blogs I read the more stressed I became. While the whole notion of "couponing" has overwhelmed my brain I decided it was the only way we could save money. So I better get a grip!

The biggest challenge for me was tackling the CVS situation. If you google "cvs deals 8/2" you should find plenty of links to what I'm talking about. This all was mentioned to me a few years ago by my local barista during those moments of coffee-waiting chit chat but I didn't get it. It seemed like she was spending a lot of money on things she didn't want or need and called it "savings"! So here I am 3 years later reading about CVS for newbies and I finally see the light.

If you don't want the details ... quit reading now. The gist of the following lengthy explanation is that I essentially spent what I would have on diapers and batteries ($25) and got $20 in free stuff. Feel free to move along to your facebook now to find out who's picking their nose or on their way to bed.

Details for the newbie:

1. I had a goal in mind. Diapers. I knew I needed to spend money on diapers, so why not do it somewhere that would let me get a bunch of other stuff for "free".
2. I read a lot of blogs about CVS deals and found helpful information. Try here for starters.
3. I mulled it all over, followed blogs, and planned for 2 weeks.
4. I clipped coupons and organized coupons while mulling.
5. A week ago my husband said he needed razors. I checked and there was a deal so instead of buying them at W@lmart like we usually do, we paid the same amount of $ at CVS but got a coupon in return for $2 for a future trip. Technically this was our starting purchase.
6. I printed an online CVS coupon for "spend $15 and get $3 off". So now I had a total of $5 to start with at the store. I knew I'd be spending at least $15 on diapers.
7. I checked todays newspaper for deals and started a spreadsheet. (Of course!)
8. I made sure I had the right coupons for the items I was purchasing, wrote down my CVS 101 details on my envelope and headed to the store.

One of the things that stressed me out was the multiple transaction process. I didn't know if there was some CVS etiquette that should be followed. For instance, do people go in and purchase their first set of items, leave the store, go back in and purchase the second set? I was anxious about that and decided to just go ask the clerk.

I walked in, grabbed a cart and said to the first clerk I saw "I have a question! I'm new to this CVS extra bucks thing and was wondering if there is some type of etiquette I don't know about. To get the most out of the deals I read that people will make several separate transactions. Can you do that all at once by separating items and just paying for them separately?" And she confirmed that I didn't need to leave the store, put on a disguise and re-enter the store.

I had 20 minutes before the store closed so I made a quick trip through the aisles to get the things on my list. I'm sure I could have done better compared to the professional CVS moms, but I was thrilled with what I got. I made a few mistakes (forgot a coupon, wrote down the wrong price on my spreadsheet, etc.) and there were several items that were already sold out, but overall I think I did well. I spent exactly the same amount of money on diapers and batteries that I would have a month ago except now I got a bunch of stuff for free! And I still have $5 in extra bucks for next time.

Here's a link to my spreadsheet and a few pictures of my transactions. Total out of pocket expense was $24.87

Her first loss

She repeats and nods her head, but I'm not sure how much she understands. How can she even comprehend that her daily companions have gone away? Tonight I held her a little longer and through my own tears tried to explain to her in terms I think she'll understand. "They took all their clothes ..." and with her little arms wrapped around me she said "clothes". "They took all their toys..." and I feel her jaw on my shoulder as she repeats "toys". "And they got in their car (car) and went to Missouri (Muri)"

It would be easy to ignore the subject all together except when she brings it up by asking for "Mah and Hal". But tonight her restlessness and tears left me to wonder if somewhere in her 19 mo old heart she is sad and feeling the loss in a way she can't communicate. So I do my best to communicate for her.

"When people I love move away I feel sad. And when I feel sad, I cry. I want all the people I love to be close to me. But sometimes they can't be. So we can send pictures and videos until we get to see them again."

Paranoid that I'll fail in regards to her emotional development I don't wait until she's in another room to cry. While I find myself grasping for the words to explain how I'm feeling, it seems important to at least try. Grief, loss, and disappointment weren't handled well in my family. I grew up with an understanding that tears were not an adult expression, anger was widely accepted, and grudges were meant to last for days. Instead of dealing with the real issue behind the anger and tears we were more often sent to our rooms. So with a certain ignorance to healthy emotional responses I felt completely unprepared for major loss and disappointment in my late teens and early twenties.

God has brought me much farther than I would have ever thought was possible. Tears are associated with sadness more than anger and forgiveness comes more freely than it used to. So now here I am with a daughter who needs to learn in her first 17 years what I've just learned in the last 17 of mine.

And that's where my current tears begin. Paige is SO extremely patient and loving; a much needed balance to my sometimes cold and tough love. She spent 20 or more hours a week with Julia while I worked and not only was a blessing to me but I'm convinced she has positively shaped Julia in ways I never could. "Gentle and nurturing" are challenging for me and come much easier and more genuine from Paige... so, yeah ... I miss her for me. But I miss her for Julia.


Who will love her as gently, as softly, as fully as Paige? It's hard to imagine living in this little town without her! I'm praying that God will help me love as much as she does. And I'm praying that He'll give me wisdom when it comes to Julia's own emotional development. I still have a long way to go in my own journey and hope to appropriately share whatever I can with my blooming toddler.

When it comes to dealing with our loss I know we'll share pictures, blog, and venture into a Skype, but I'm sure there will be sadness for weeks to come. So if I randomly burst into tears you'll know why. It's because she's too far away in "Muri".

Such a mess.

My 18 mo. old daughter loves to make a mess. My 40 yr. old husband doesn't understand why I clean up after her 5... 6... 20 times a day. To my understanding, making a mess is what she DOES. It's learning, it's playing, it's figuring things out, it's exploring, it's creating, and a gazillion other toddler-appropriate things. If the toys get thrown around the living room and stay there, how is she suppose to do all those things? So I put them back in their place, arrange the books yet again, and sort the blocks out from the stacking cups for the umpteenth time. It's work .... but she is more interested in the toys when they're neatly on the shelves than strewn all over the floor. And I WANT her to be interested in the toys. If not, then it's up to me to be her entertainment and I just can't handle that every-waking-moment job!

Other things my daughter loves: Laurie Berkner videos Confession: These videos give me 20-30 minutes of PEACE. To prepare dinner, pee, make a phone call ... she's mezmerized by this woman (even though some of her songs grate on my nerves!)

After a brilliant discovery today, I was thinking about how my 18 mo old seems more like a 5 year old to me and I wondered if other parents were rushing childhood with their hopes and dreams for their genius like I was! So tonight after bedtime I did some googling. I stumbled across some interesting websites that encouraged me to let her be a child. More specifically, a toddler. Less videos and more mess.

Grass Stain Guru "Childhood was meant to be messy."

Sadly, when you google playtime activities for toddlers you end up with pages from unrealistic well-to-doers suggesting you spend money or engage in "simple" play things like this. But quite honestly, it's CRAP advice. I need real suggestions, people. Talk to me about how to handle the "my daughter is tearing apart the house, I just want to turn on the videos, but I feel guilty if I do!" Ah ... here it is! Something that's actually helpful! Thank you Rachel Lister!

And if you're like me and just want some fresh ideas ... check out these sites:

Free Range Kids
playborhood.com "Let your kids go outside and play"
activekidsclub.com