It's just me. Again.

Dear Friend/Spouse/Partner; Hey.  I love you.  I know you are struggling with what to get me. And I know you care and want to buy the perfect thing as a token of your love so I thought I would help you out a little. First, I’m not going to BUY MY OWN GIFTS. But here are a few questions for you to answer that should help you prepare a little: 1. What would make my life easier?   There is something I complain about ALL the time. True, there are MANY things I complain about. So go now to your dark place and think of those things…. Those nagging, constant, irritating things. And then fix it, buy it, get rid of it! Whatever complaints I have made over the past few months - Take care of it for me! Broken dish washer? Fix it! No dish washer? BINGO.  Not enough spoons/mugs/dish towels? Buy me a dozen! Always tripping over your shoes? Get rid of them! And by that I mean buy something to take care of the shoes-all-over-the-living-room problem.  Yes.  A shoe...

I found this amazing  No Bake oatmeal bar recipe  just before Thanksgiving and my brain adapted it for me before I pulled a single ingredient from the shelf.  Fun how our brains do that.  ;) (Yeah.  I read the recipe wrong from the start. But what I ended up with was just as amazing and I personally feel like royalty when I eat them.)  So. .. Here's my adapted recipe. I like to call them  SOPHISTICATED NO-BAKES . GATHER Square baking dish Parchment paper 2 sauce pans Measuring cups Something to stir with Rubber Spatula Ingredients 1 cup salted butter 1/3 cup light brown sugar 1 tsp vanilla 3 cups quick-oats 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips 3/4 cup chunky peanut butter 1/2 cup dried cranberries 1/2 cup white chocolate chips Let the magic begin! Line square baking pan with wax or parchment paper, set aside. Melt butter on medium heat in large sauce pan. Stir in brown sugar and vanilla. Stir in oats. Turn heat to low and co...

A note to myself for 2013 (and beyond!): 

It's time for updated systems around here. What was once considered major accomplishments (brushing your teeth) has now become expected and normal. No more special attention for such mundane tasks. Our baby is now 5 years old and while chores have been a regular part of our lives I now see the need to "up the ante". I learned from my sister-in-law, Paige , and a wise woman of 9 children, Darlene , about the " five finger chores ". We've doing those for about a month now and it has helped us reign in my daughter's desire to instantly jump on the computer or turn on the tv in the morning. First she needs to finish her "first fives". Here's what our (well used!) Five Finger Chore Chart looks like: 1. Turn off your "water sounds" (white noise machine) 2. Turn off your radio 3. Get dressed 4. Drink water 5. Put your laundry in the basket Humbly drawn at the bottom is a picture of the computer. She can watch a show when sh...

I just want to raise my hand and say "Here!" when the Broken Hearts club meets. I just want to say I'm here. What does it mean when no one reaches out? What does it mean when my outstretched hand is picked clean and there is no balm to cover the wounds? I don't want to feed the birds. I want to feed friends. Am I searching for something that doesn't exist? Am I crying about the loss of something that was never meant to be? You can't force the community to include you. Or can you? Is that how people succeed? They claim their place and stand firmly on confident ground? I don't think I have that kind of resolve. The wounded don't typically feel confident about where they stand. I certainly don't feel confident about anything right now. Perhaps this is a season. Endure. Get through. Hope. My club meets every other Tuesday. I'll see you there.

Is it presumptuous to think that if Jesus were here, today, he might eat Lucky Charms and listen to Johnny Cash with you? I'd like to think that God is chill. That He'd give you permission to relax. Most of my upbringing I spent Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights listening to sermons about how we need to DO, GIVE, BE more. How we are called to be warriors. Even now, songs on the Christian charts blare about being courageous, stepping up to be better men. Better women. Yet there are just as many sermons that tell you to LET GO AND LET GOD. As a teenager this call to action was heavy in my heart - DO MORE. BE MORE. GIVE MORE. Even in the simple acts of worship - I wanted to know how high to raise my hands, how low to bend my knee ... how much was I to give? I wanted to see the figures, formulas, and rules. It's easy to follow rules. But letting go? "Letting God"? "Letting Go" is not part of my nature. I spend a lot...

Thoughts swirl with relentless reminders that I am not perfect.  Simple tasks, jumbled, become costly mistakes. I am unfocused and scattered. Appointments made for the wrong day. Miscommunicating. Forgetful. Interrupted. Unfinished. Last night after a day, full, I grumbled my exhaustion to the one who chooses to love me and my mistakes; 9 hours of work, 3 hours for a hair appointment, dinner at the diner, getting home just in time to watch Survivor. I have talked non stop since dawn and I have nothing more to give. I grumble more to the child I've only seen for 20 minutes. It's bedtime. She refuses to brush teeth and I respond in anger. I'm tired and angry. He said, "You're tired, but isn't it because you are living your dream?" Oh. Yes. He is right. Thank you, dear husband, for not letting me dive any deeper into my mistakes! With different perspective, exhaustion is beautiful. Something to feel and be happy for the feeling. Tired and happ...

Oh what joy this day brings. Just thinking about pranks thrills me to tears! I decided to make up a tasty treat for my family along with a few other low-key pranks. Enjoy! April Fool's Day Chocolate Chip Cookies: She wasn't very happy with me when I told her what they were ... she was too keen on these - knew something wasn't quite right and never actually tried one. Did you figure it out?  These are baked taters and black beans!!! Simply delicious if you're expecting garlic, salt, sour cream, and potatoes!  Here's how: 1. Whip up your favorite mashed potato recipe (I used 3 medium potatoes) 2. Mix in a few drops of yellow food coloring (3 drops was enough for this batch) 3. Stir in 1/2 can rinsed black beans 4. Then drop on a cookie sheet in a 350* oven for 30-45 minutes ... until golden on the top. These will taste delicious with a little salsa at dinner time!  By the way: I did make REAL cookies so as not to comp...

Random Things of Little Interest. 1. My husband is on Pinterest. (Thought I'd start with a rhyme. And although Pinterest is generally considered a "female" thing ... I think it's cool that he's "pinning".) 2. I want to say things people shouldn't say. I want to be rude. Loud. Obnoxious. (Is this why people drink?) 3. I also want to live in peace. I want to be quiet. Harmonious. Respectful. (I think I should just go back to bed.) 4. Food coloring doesn't actually have a flavor but the color makes my mouth think it has flavor. (It's pretty, but carrot cake just isn't the same with purple cream cheese frosting.) 5. I measure the strength of coffee by comparing it to my daughters eyes. If it's as dark as her peepers it's gooooooooood coffee. (Of course, I muck it up with cream and sugar to create a warm coffee-flavored milk shake.) 6. I've waited all week to type invoices at work. Typically I type them ever...

Tonight we experiment with our first ever homemade black bean burgers. I've found recipes as simple as this one and as complicated as this one . Somewhere in between there must be a tasty medium. I decided to make up my own version and by no means am I suggesting this worked! :) Rinse and drain 1 can of black beans Saute onions, green bell peppers, mushrooms (I added a few other chopped veggies I had left over from a salad; carrots and radishes being some of them) Add 75% of beans and 100% sauteed mixture into the food processor - pulse until combined. Add 1 egg, 1/2 cup bread crumbs, & remaining black beans - stir all together. Form into 4 patties - VERY sticky. Pour small amount of olive oil in hot pan, add burgers and let cook 5-8 minutes per side. Add slices of your favorite cheese on the first DONE side. Grill your buns lightly on the stove. Add tomato & lettuce, ketchup & mustard - ENJOY. I wish there was a list of the essential ingredients necess...

Today we walked through the doors of the 4th church. Another opportunity for me to find a "home" among people who believe in the Bible and gather on a weekly basis to celebrate, cherish, confess to and console one another in this life we call sacred. Four walls, familiar music, a minister. But I'm cynical. I'm longing for a place to call home all the while refusing to call any place home. Home insinuates rolling up my sleeves and digging into "housework". "Home" would require responsibility on my part. Playing an active roll. Even children have chores. Can you be a guest in a place you call home? If you're never given responsibilities, never asked to take out the trash, or allowed to do the dishes ... you quickly realize that you will always be a guest. Some day they expect you to leave. If you really want someone to "feel at home" don't you need to set an extra plate, clean out the spare  bedroom, make room in the garage?  ...

She cries and begs, "Please don't go! Don't go to work!" I explain in words too vague for the four year old clinging to my leg. It's hard to leave. She wipes away the tears and follows me to the kitchen. Her tiny hands reach for fruit and she packs my lunch with a banana pulled from the bunch. Strawberries spill on the floor and she finds one rolled under the cabinet. "You need one more strawberry, Mom." It goes in the ziploc - lint and all. They walk me outside and cover me with kisses. The crisp air grabs her arms and she runs away - back inside to the steaming oatmeal waiting on the table. I spend my day under papers and phone calls. Constantly trying to lasso my thoughts back in - I don't want to be here. Arriving home, I am wrapped with legs and arms. "Hug me, Mom!" She gets right to the point . "Popcorn?" She is hungry and knows I am too. All the ingredients are at her fingertips and she teeters on the ch...

Should we go back in? She's calling. Your blanket needs to be fixed? I don't want her to be cold. Night 1: Open door. Fix. Adjust. Kiss. She sleeps. Night 2: Repeat. She sleeps. Night 3. Repeat. She sleeps. Lament. This isn't working for me. Night 3: "No! Fix them yourself!" * Weeping and gnashing of teeth * She sleeps. Night 4: Anticipating the inevitable, we say lovely things. "I don't care if your blanket is across the room, I'm not coming in here to fix it." She sleeps. Should we go back in? She's calling. You need a glass of water? I don't want you to get dehydrated. You've been a little sick lately. Night 1: Bring in glass of water. Kiss. She sleeps. Night 2: This time she comes out for a glass. Kiss. Tuck her back in. She sleeps. Night 3: "I don't care if you're thirsty - GO TO SLEEP!" Night 4: Anticipating the inevitable, we say lovely things. "Unless you're choking and about to die, ...

Sentimental. Overwhelming. Fall on your knees ... Childhood comforts replace adult anxieties. Our troubles will be out of sight ... Every feeling of "family" swells.  You can count on me ... The electric guitar hugs me. The hopes and fears of all the years ... Narrates my heart. The weary world rejoices ... Drums beat. Beat. Beating. I have no gift to bring ... This is every song ever to be sung about Christmas.

I know, I know ... it's like we're strangers. I haven't blogged, or videoed, or updated in far too long. If speed dating gives you a glimpse of someone's life, a brief chance to get to know them, then I think this entry could aptly be considered "speed blogging". Five minutes to learn as much about me as possible. Ready. Go! I really miss painting. Once upon a time I had walls. With color. Dark and rich. I'm moving into my 3rd house since marriage and for the first time several rooms are paint-able. There's something quite comforting in a blank canvas, though, and I believe I'll let them be white for a while. If you're trying to start a small business - you must be crazy. It's agreeing to do more work than you've ever done your entire life only to try and make it possible to work far less than you've ever worked in your entire life. This is a bad plan. And if you're crazy enough to try it, there are people who might call ...

I'm sorry? Did you say you don't have any enemies? I laugh. Sure you do! If you're like me you first assume an "enemy" is someone who might literally spit in your face. Raise a hand against you. Butt heads in a family-feud and now you don't speak anymore. But if you will let me - I'd like to suggest that you have many more enemies than that. Without going to Webster, I would say that an enemy is someone who is against you and against the things important to you. Anyone hindering your goals. Not helping you in your endeavors. I dare say - if they're not for you ... they are indeed against you. Your enemy. If you must have an official definition , this is for you: A person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something. So. Let's tone down this "spit-in-your-face" mentality and bring the battle field a little closer to home. Actively opposed . 1. To be in contention or conflict with. By that definition, your enem...

Some days the signs of aging seem much more prominent than they actually are. Some days I honestly think this is what you see when you look at me. Know what I mean?