It's just me. Again.

Thoughts swirl with relentless reminders that I am not perfect.  Simple tasks, jumbled, become costly mistakes. I am unfocused and scattered. Appointments made for the wrong day. Miscommunicating. Forgetful. Interrupted. Unfinished. Last night after a day, full, I grumbled my exhaustion to the one who chooses to love me and my mistakes; 9 hours of work, 3 hours for a hair appointment, dinner at the diner, getting home just in time to watch Survivor. I have talked non stop since dawn and I have nothing more to give. I grumble more to the child I've only seen for 20 minutes. It's bedtime. She refuses to brush teeth and I respond in anger. I'm tired and angry. He said, "You're tired, but isn't it because you are living your dream?" Oh. Yes. He is right. Thank you, dear husband, for not letting me dive any deeper into my mistakes! With different perspective, exhaustion is beautiful. Something to feel and be happy for the feeling. Tired and happ...

Oh what joy this day brings. Just thinking about pranks thrills me to tears! I decided to make up a tasty treat for my family along with a few other low-key pranks. Enjoy! April Fool's Day Chocolate Chip Cookies: She wasn't very happy with me when I told her what they were ... she was too keen on these - knew something wasn't quite right and never actually tried one. Did you figure it out?  These are baked taters and black beans!!! Simply delicious if you're expecting garlic, salt, sour cream, and potatoes!  Here's how: 1. Whip up your favorite mashed potato recipe (I used 3 medium potatoes) 2. Mix in a few drops of yellow food coloring (3 drops was enough for this batch) 3. Stir in 1/2 can rinsed black beans 4. Then drop on a cookie sheet in a 350* oven for 30-45 minutes ... until golden on the top. These will taste delicious with a little salsa at dinner time!  By the way: I did make REAL cookies so as not to comp...

Random Things of Little Interest. 1. My husband is on Pinterest. (Thought I'd start with a rhyme. And although Pinterest is generally considered a "female" thing ... I think it's cool that he's "pinning".) 2. I want to say things people shouldn't say. I want to be rude. Loud. Obnoxious. (Is this why people drink?) 3. I also want to live in peace. I want to be quiet. Harmonious. Respectful. (I think I should just go back to bed.) 4. Food coloring doesn't actually have a flavor but the color makes my mouth think it has flavor. (It's pretty, but carrot cake just isn't the same with purple cream cheese frosting.) 5. I measure the strength of coffee by comparing it to my daughters eyes. If it's as dark as her peepers it's gooooooooood coffee. (Of course, I muck it up with cream and sugar to create a warm coffee-flavored milk shake.) 6. I've waited all week to type invoices at work. Typically I type them ever...

Tonight we experiment with our first ever homemade black bean burgers. I've found recipes as simple as this one and as complicated as this one . Somewhere in between there must be a tasty medium. I decided to make up my own version and by no means am I suggesting this worked! :) Rinse and drain 1 can of black beans Saute onions, green bell peppers, mushrooms (I added a few other chopped veggies I had left over from a salad; carrots and radishes being some of them) Add 75% of beans and 100% sauteed mixture into the food processor - pulse until combined. Add 1 egg, 1/2 cup bread crumbs, & remaining black beans - stir all together. Form into 4 patties - VERY sticky. Pour small amount of olive oil in hot pan, add burgers and let cook 5-8 minutes per side. Add slices of your favorite cheese on the first DONE side. Grill your buns lightly on the stove. Add tomato & lettuce, ketchup & mustard - ENJOY. I wish there was a list of the essential ingredients necess...

Today we walked through the doors of the 4th church. Another opportunity for me to find a "home" among people who believe in the Bible and gather on a weekly basis to celebrate, cherish, confess to and console one another in this life we call sacred. Four walls, familiar music, a minister. But I'm cynical. I'm longing for a place to call home all the while refusing to call any place home. Home insinuates rolling up my sleeves and digging into "housework". "Home" would require responsibility on my part. Playing an active roll. Even children have chores. Can you be a guest in a place you call home? If you're never given responsibilities, never asked to take out the trash, or allowed to do the dishes ... you quickly realize that you will always be a guest. Some day they expect you to leave. If you really want someone to "feel at home" don't you need to set an extra plate, clean out the spare  bedroom, make room in the garage?  ...

She cries and begs, "Please don't go! Don't go to work!" I explain in words too vague for the four year old clinging to my leg. It's hard to leave. She wipes away the tears and follows me to the kitchen. Her tiny hands reach for fruit and she packs my lunch with a banana pulled from the bunch. Strawberries spill on the floor and she finds one rolled under the cabinet. "You need one more strawberry, Mom." It goes in the ziploc - lint and all. They walk me outside and cover me with kisses. The crisp air grabs her arms and she runs away - back inside to the steaming oatmeal waiting on the table. I spend my day under papers and phone calls. Constantly trying to lasso my thoughts back in - I don't want to be here. Arriving home, I am wrapped with legs and arms. "Hug me, Mom!" She gets right to the point . "Popcorn?" She is hungry and knows I am too. All the ingredients are at her fingertips and she teeters on the ch...

Should we go back in? She's calling. Your blanket needs to be fixed? I don't want her to be cold. Night 1: Open door. Fix. Adjust. Kiss. She sleeps. Night 2: Repeat. She sleeps. Night 3. Repeat. She sleeps. Lament. This isn't working for me. Night 3: "No! Fix them yourself!" * Weeping and gnashing of teeth * She sleeps. Night 4: Anticipating the inevitable, we say lovely things. "I don't care if your blanket is across the room, I'm not coming in here to fix it." She sleeps. Should we go back in? She's calling. You need a glass of water? I don't want you to get dehydrated. You've been a little sick lately. Night 1: Bring in glass of water. Kiss. She sleeps. Night 2: This time she comes out for a glass. Kiss. Tuck her back in. She sleeps. Night 3: "I don't care if you're thirsty - GO TO SLEEP!" Night 4: Anticipating the inevitable, we say lovely things. "Unless you're choking and about to die, ...