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A gift giving guide for the bewildered gifter

Dear Friend/Spouse/Partner;

Hey.  I love you.  I know you are struggling with what to get me. And I know you care and want to buy the perfect thing as a token of your love so I thought I would help you out a little.

First, I’m not going to BUY MY OWN GIFTS.

But here are a few questions for you to answer that should help you prepare a little:

1. What would make my life easier? 

There is something I complain about ALL the time. True, there are MANY things I complain about. So go now to your dark place and think of those things…. Those nagging, constant, irritating things. And then fix it, buy it, get rid of it! Whatever complaints I have made over the past few months - Take care of it for me! Broken dish washer? Fix it! No dish washer? BINGO.  Not enough spoons/mugs/dish towels? Buy me a dozen! Always tripping over your shoes? Get rid of them! And by that I mean buy something to take care of the shoes-all-over-the-living-room problem.  Yes.  A shoe organizer. You’re catching on quick! What am I always looking for? My keys? Make a duplicate set.  My cell phone charger? Get me three: work,  car, and  home!

2. What would make me feel adored? 

Something extra. Something I don’t need. Something that I often use/wear/want. You’ve seen me put on a necklace every day before work. Buy me a new one! You’ve seen me work endless hours on my hobby … get me better tools, a fancy thing-a-ma-jig, and a do-hickey to compliment my efforts. (Please … please tell me you know what my hobby is!? If not go look on my pinterest account, eh? It should be loud and clear.) Basically, what do I do every single day to make myself feel pretty, feel sane, or just feel like a human? Buy me more.

3. Who (or what!) else can do my chores? 

If I spend all my free time keeping the house clean please buy me a maid! Once a month for the entire year someone to come into our home and spend 2-3 hours cleaning, organizing, SOMETHING! Dear God, I want a BREAK! (Or see "dishwasher" in part 1.)

4. What would make me speechless? 

Go ahead. Buy me something that would blow me away. A real dream come true! So far out there that it’s virtually unrealistic; A vacation. A car. A weekend away. Yes. That’s it! A weekend away. No guilt. No strings. And by all means NO CHILDREN. And if I’m being honest … no YOU either. Let me relax. Let me manage my own 48 hours. However I want. With my current responsibilities THAT would be an absolutely unrealistic and unexpected dream come true!

MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Sincerely,
The Happiest Gift Receiver

PS. Don't ASK me if I want _____ for Christmas/My Birthday/Our Anniversary. Just surprise me! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW AHEAD OF TIME!

Comments

jamsiegirl said…
Fantastic! I've never been to your blog site before and I can see I have some catching up to do.
This is so well written and so funny. It is good to be able to maintain a sense of humor about life. I think we can all identify and that is where the humor lies.

Love you.
7:23 AM, November 22, 2018
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